and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
