To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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