He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize