I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I deserve this hangover.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
