Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
