I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
