Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
