38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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