im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
