Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
