Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
