Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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