Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
