Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
