insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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