it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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