can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
