I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
