I just saw a hot homeless man
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
