hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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