Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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