she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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