i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize