he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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