god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
