i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Boobs speak an international language.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
