I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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