Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
