my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
