Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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