At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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