Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
