i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
