How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
