How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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