They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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