but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
