i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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