Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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