return my video game
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize