Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
