the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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