She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think i have two assholes
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
