The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
True strength comes from lack of pants
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
