I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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