sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
