I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We left the knife in your bed.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
