so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
