I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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