I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
