ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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