First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
