Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.

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(650): View more from California

Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?

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(818): View more from California

If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.

(323): View more from California

Sounds like a plan.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....

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(519): View more from Ontario

Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...

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(515): View more from Iowa

I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night

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(303): View more from Colorado

to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me

(1-303): View more from Colorado

WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT

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