lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
