I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize