your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ladies don't puke and tell
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
