I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
