hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize