We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
