By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
