I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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