i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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