Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
