Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
