By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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