dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
