have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
