we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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