I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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