I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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