Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
