Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Randomize
