Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
