i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
