I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
