We're facebook friends in real life
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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