He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
