Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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