Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
