I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
