And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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