i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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