I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
