I bet he comes in French.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
