i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
