Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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