I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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