Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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