i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
