so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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