Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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