So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
