Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
