somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
