from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
