If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
