You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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