Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
