Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
