So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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