ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You are the jesus of drinking
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
