she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize