youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
