Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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