How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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