she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
