I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
