The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
